Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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