I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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