I showed him my bush... on skype.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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