Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Just puked most of my soul out..
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