this beer tastes like vomit already
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
