dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
