Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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