Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
