Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
