I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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