I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
