I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Banned from zoo.
Again?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
