.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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