I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
