We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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