I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
