Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
