those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
