Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
this just has baby written all over it
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
