Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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