You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
