did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
"it" just moved
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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