I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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