she was so not down for the gang bang
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He? As in you personified your dick?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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