Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
