well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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