apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
