since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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