If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
