That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
