why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
