We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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