So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
