I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I want her autograph on my taint
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
