is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
