hotel room ftw
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You need a sexual gate keeper
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
