i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
