my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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