I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
