Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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