How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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