I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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