Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
