Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
