Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
