Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
