You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
