I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
