So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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