I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
