She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
