walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
